If you and your partner jump right to sex these days, let me remind you what you've been missing out on. Many activities other than vaginal sex are completely fulfilling all on their own, like oral sex or genital stimulation using hands or toys.
"Skipping right to vaginal sex means you are missing out on the myriad of pleasures that you and your partners' bodies can experience," says Robin Milhausen, PhD, professor at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. "And vaginal sex tends to be organized around male sexuality, with the end of sex symbolized by the male orgasm."
For women specifically, Dr. Milhausen says that research by Debbi Herbenick, PhD, and colleagues at Indiana University found that women's experiences of an orgasm were associated with engaging in more sexual activities (i.e., manual stimulation, oral sex) rather than vaginal sex alone.
Though foreplay can be the main event of your intimate time with your partner, it can also enhance your sexual experience if you do plan to finish everything out with genital intercourse. "If folks are having vaginal sex and they want to amplify the sensation and pleasure they get from engaging in that activity, adding in other activities before and during sex can do that," Dr. Milhausen says. "My own research with university students and midlife adults suggests that spending about 15 minutes on other activities before penetration is associated with higher pleasure ratings of the sex."
All in all, for those having sex, Dr. Milhausen says that "extending a sexual encounter by engaging in a variety of activities can make the whole experience more fun, exciting, and pleasurable." So, the next time you're ready to get it on with your partner, don't forget to build up the excitement with foreplay. And if you aren't sure where to start, here are some expert tips for amazing, hot foreplay.
1. Start with kissing.
Kissing can definitely get you in the mood. I mean, one minute you guys are on the couch making out and then next thing you know you're in the bedroom getting it on. "Kissing is an underrated activity," Dr. Milhausen says. Use kissing as a build up to other foreplay acts that could lead to orgasm, like genital touching, oral sex, and vaginal sex. Dr. Milhausen suggests seeing how long you can kiss your partner before moving onto something more pleasurable.
2. Get creative with your hands.
"Don't underestimate the value of mutual touch," Dr. Milhausen says. Using your hands can bring endless pleasure during foreplay, plus you can experiment with different areas of the body to discover what gets your partner in the mood. "This can be a great way to learn about what you and your partner likes," she says. "If you are focusing on touching your partner, observe their reactions or listen to their feedback and you can learn what kind of touch they like, where they like it, the pace or pressure they prefer, etc."
3. Try out new positions.
Hot, never-tried-before positions are not reserved for genital sex. There are loads of fun and easy moves you and your partner can try during foreplay. "One of my most recommended positions is sitting side by side, against the headboard of your bed, and engaging in mutual touch," Dr. Milhausen says. "Experiment with different touches on your partners' genitals. Change up your touch based on their reactions and experiment with faster and slower touch and differing levels of pressure." She also suggests taking turns giving and receiving pleasure.
"Spooning is another great position because you can stay in that position for a long time [in other words, it's not tiring], and the partner lying behind can reach around and have access to their partners breasts, chest, and genitals," she says.
4. Don't rule out oral sex.
Oral sex is a pleasurable experience all on its own, but it also serves as the perfect segue into genital intercourse. "For the person receiving, it can be a time to really focus on the pleasurable sensations of sex without having any responsibilities to be 'doing something' at the same time," Dr. Milhausen says. Take turns giving and received oral sex to your partner, then transition to vaginal sex when it becomes intense.
5. Pick up some lube.
Some couples like lube, while others find that they may not need it. However, Dr. Milhausen says that lube can make every sexual activity better. "I highly recommend lubricant for manual stimulation," which she suggest as a part of foreplay. "Lube is great because it's low cost, and you can test out different flavors and textures and ingredients," she says. "If you are prone to yeast infections, stay away from ones that are sweet and have lots of sugar."
6. Experiment with toys.
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Like lube, couples can benefit from a more pleasurable foreplay experience if they consider using toys like vibrators. "In a recent study I conducted with the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada and Trojan Canada, women who use vibrators for masturbation are more likely to report their last experience of masturbation was very pleasurable, compared to women who didn't use a vibrator," Dr. Milhausen says. "So bringing the things you do on your own into your partnered experiences can add pleasure and also be really informative as to learning what our partners like."
And if you think vibrators are only reserved for women, think again. "Holding a vibrator on the perineum of a male partner, or using it on the shaft of the penis, can lead to an extremely intense and pleasurable sensation," she says.
7. Talk dirty.
Don't be afraid to try dirty talk with your long-time partner—it can really spice things up and get you both in the mood. You can begin talking dirty before initiating foreplay, or speak this way to your partner throughout. Not sure where to start? Try simply letting your partner know what you want them to do to you or how and where to touch you.
8. Get in the shower.
I mean, think about it. You're both naked, and the hot water instantly steams up the room. Talk about sexy! You can start your shower out how you normally would, and then begin kissing and touching each other. As things escalate, it's up to you whether to take the next step into the bedroom, or give sex standing up a go.
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9. Exchange massages.
Just like taking a shower with your partner, exchanging massages allows you to touch your partner and help them relax. They only have to focus on the pleasure they are receiving in the moment. Pick up some oil and start with a slow, sensual massage. Then, begin touching your partner in other places as they get turned on.
10. Make foreplay the main event.
Sure, sex is great, but as you learned after skimming this list, never underestimate the pleasurable power of foreplay. "I like to deconstruct the idea of foreplay because it positions genital sex as 'the main event,' but activities other than vaginal sex are awesome and fulfilling all on their own," Dr. Milhausen says. Women and men can orgasm through genital stimulation or oral sex, so make sure to try out these tips before you jump right into sex with your partner tonight.
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10 Foreplay Tips for the Best Sex Ever, According to Experts, Source:https://www.prevention.com/sex/a28634972/foreplay-tips/